Walking the Path of Fire

5/24/2010 3:39 AM EST

I sit here awake, fervently taking notes after having had a long and in-depth conversation concerning (Western) Astrology with a near and dear friend of mine yesterday morning. I realized in my efforts to explain the importance of "starting small" when attempting to learn this system and apply the knowledge it provides to one's life that I was feeling inadequate in my explanations. While I know the meaning of a planet in a particular sign, explaining it in less complex terms and providing the "why" of the explanation came as a difficulty to me. As I first learned Astrology - the Sun in whatever sign meant this - I never went into why it did, it just did and the same with the other planets. The houses are another ball of yarn altogether and provide another degree of complexity that even is a bit beyond me at times. I never took to studying natal charts too often due to the necessity of certain (and at times) hard to find information in the guise of exact birth times. So I settled myself to focusing more on the planets in certain signs and would only idly look deeper in my own charts, very close friends, relatives, and significant others.

I spent the remainder of the day - save an outing - taking notes from my library on Astrology. I realized that as long as I have studied the system and as much "mastery" (and I use the term loosely) that I have attained with it, I am not as proficient as I would like, namely because I never really bothered to "properly" apply myself. I recall that all that changed when I decided to take an "Intro to Astrology" from a mentor of mine and subsequently the only person I would consistently pay (money) for a reading. She started us with basics that I all too well knew and understood - but presented the "missing link" for me, they why. The fire signs were active because of their element, the cardinal signs all began things, the feminine signs tended towards introspection and the inner world. While I could appreciate all of these bits of information in the whole of each sign, separating and just looking at them made the light bulb burn ever brighter and clearer rather than flickering occasionally.

I woke and slept some times during the day and finally awoke in the wee hours of the morning (around 1 AM) and continued my note taking. I was looking into just the "basics" - the Duality, Triplicity, and Quadruplicity of each sign, and the significances of the Planets and Houses on their own (not looking into the specifics of a planet in a certain sign or house). I have studiously finished reading through one book and near the end of another. Suddenly my alarm on my ipod went off - my bellydance music starting signaling my alarm to get up and start my day...

And thusly I began, I continued this way, chatting online and taking notes, all the while listening to my music - until a certain song came on "Drum Solo Wassan Pharaoun" by Issam Houshan. It caught my attention, I felt the need to move and found myself inadvertently swaying along with the beat. All too soon the song ended and I was much disappointed. I put my book and notes down and restarted the song, getting up to dance. I felt invigorated, I felt alive - it felt wonderful. And now as I have concluded - it is time to begin the "Path of Fire" finally. The paths cannot be rushed or pushed and happen in their own time and of their own accord. However, looking to my immediate past I have been feeling the "pull" of this path. I have been more active lately, staying up more and working more. Being creative and productive across many venues, embracing my creative fire - much in the guise of Brigid. I have been doing much work with my hands, in honor of Athena. And now Dionysos and Kali address me with my desire to move, to dance, to express myself and the freedom of my spirit, mind, and body through movement. I have a spirit around me who when she lived was a devotee of Dionysos - a Maenad. I decided in an effort to understand her and further my own spiritualism that I would devote myself to Him as well (especially since I don't generally work with the God in particular I had no direct preferences). As someone of Hispanic descent dance, I feel, is "in my blood". I hold a deep and abiding love for music, particularly that which I can dance to. I suddenly recall the importance of dance to Dionysos, and then after contemplating His own meanings - of freedom, creativity, sex, expression, divinity I realize all of these are embodied within dance. Now I sit here, listening to the inspirising song for a third time and I recall Kali - whose amulet a Kali Yantra - I currently wear, whose statue ever sits on my altar, and who in the form of a tapestry hangs on my wall. Dance is also sacred to She, who defeated and saved Her fellow gods and humans from the demon Raktabija - and even She exemplifies the wild, chaotic dance - fire, force, and will....Aye it is time, to walk the Path of fire.

A Hole in my Heart

I look out into the world. I hear the bright chirping of the songbirds and see the flutter of sunlight through the trees. It's a beautiful day outside, and yet a pall is cast over me.

For many years I have ached to "fill" myself. I have looked around me and felt only emptiness. I have tried and yet felt dissatisfied even with my meager results. But what else could you expect when you barely make the effort to wake in the morning? When each day seems a lesson in doldrums and disappointment. I have painted my life in shades of gray and wonder where the color is. It's funny really - for what else should one expect? Yet I scream vainly at the injustice, cry out pitifully "Why me?!" When the judge and jury, and even the executioner of my dreams wears my face.

Today is a breakthrough, a beginning of a release of the shackles I've used to hold myself back and it's time to unlock them and toss them away.

I look out the window again, the bright day greets me. The same songbird still chirping happily whatever message he or she has and I smile. Wholeheartedly and with feeling. I have begun, the journey is upon me and now where it will take me I eagerly await!