Confessions & Concerns

Although it is well meaning that is not to say that it will come as it ought to...but now I sit here pondering, alone while my significant other is downstairs sulking away - myself doing the same thing up here. It has been a long week for us both, but I find that he seems to forget that things could be hard for other people outside of himself. Becoming exasperated when I pick up on his own feelings and react to them, forcing him to face them rather than pretend they're not there.

And so it is again an uphill struggle it seems and honestly it is very tiring. I wish nothing but the best for him - but I see him constantly struggling, making the same mistakes out of habit and merely miring himself more deeply into whatever doldrums or just trying to mask them behind a facade of, "I'm okay." But clear as crystal he is transparent and only seems to get more aggravated when that is pointed out to him.

I have long since tired of the way my own bad and negative moods have affected me. For like any vicious cycle, they merely feed on themselves, ever-reproducing. So finally I had enough and I have since made an honest effort to Do something about it. And for the most part it is working and I am feeling better and better about my life and attracting just what I want and more. But when I try to urge him to do such things he resists and scoffs and I usually give up defeated.

So while I have no intent to force anything on him, I want more for him ... what to do *le sigh*

Beginnings of May...

I'm not quite sure How it happens, but it seems to happen nonetheless. I had my first Mother's Day this past weekend by the way, which was nice and somewhat unexpected. However of course, much of it was spent fussing at the wee one to "not touch that", "come over here" etc. But it was a day together with my family and that is what matters.

A reflection on my path. I've been rather emotionally charged as of late, but for the first week of May I was not home - hence my lack in journaling. Military duty called me away and I was out of town for a week. Rather miserable and unpleasant. Ah well, it could have been worse.

I find that maintaining a positive attitude seems to be a chore for me. Something I have trouble doing. And while I well know that Not having a good attitude does nothing for me, it's like a vicious little cycle. As is mentioned in "The Secret" when you start off your day badly, everything else seems to just follow suit. I can surely attest to that, and I threaten to feel some of it today. I'm not quite sure, despite this awareness, on how to combat it. I have a tendency to think pessimistically and negatively and those attitudes do lend themselves to attracting more ilk of their like.

Suppose I shall put on some good music or something else heartening...

Adieu and thank you for listening...