Walking the Path of Fire

5/24/2010 3:39 AM EST

I sit here awake, fervently taking notes after having had a long and in-depth conversation concerning (Western) Astrology with a near and dear friend of mine yesterday morning. I realized in my efforts to explain the importance of "starting small" when attempting to learn this system and apply the knowledge it provides to one's life that I was feeling inadequate in my explanations. While I know the meaning of a planet in a particular sign, explaining it in less complex terms and providing the "why" of the explanation came as a difficulty to me. As I first learned Astrology - the Sun in whatever sign meant this - I never went into why it did, it just did and the same with the other planets. The houses are another ball of yarn altogether and provide another degree of complexity that even is a bit beyond me at times. I never took to studying natal charts too often due to the necessity of certain (and at times) hard to find information in the guise of exact birth times. So I settled myself to focusing more on the planets in certain signs and would only idly look deeper in my own charts, very close friends, relatives, and significant others.

I spent the remainder of the day - save an outing - taking notes from my library on Astrology. I realized that as long as I have studied the system and as much "mastery" (and I use the term loosely) that I have attained with it, I am not as proficient as I would like, namely because I never really bothered to "properly" apply myself. I recall that all that changed when I decided to take an "Intro to Astrology" from a mentor of mine and subsequently the only person I would consistently pay (money) for a reading. She started us with basics that I all too well knew and understood - but presented the "missing link" for me, they why. The fire signs were active because of their element, the cardinal signs all began things, the feminine signs tended towards introspection and the inner world. While I could appreciate all of these bits of information in the whole of each sign, separating and just looking at them made the light bulb burn ever brighter and clearer rather than flickering occasionally.

I woke and slept some times during the day and finally awoke in the wee hours of the morning (around 1 AM) and continued my note taking. I was looking into just the "basics" - the Duality, Triplicity, and Quadruplicity of each sign, and the significances of the Planets and Houses on their own (not looking into the specifics of a planet in a certain sign or house). I have studiously finished reading through one book and near the end of another. Suddenly my alarm on my ipod went off - my bellydance music starting signaling my alarm to get up and start my day...

And thusly I began, I continued this way, chatting online and taking notes, all the while listening to my music - until a certain song came on "Drum Solo Wassan Pharaoun" by Issam Houshan. It caught my attention, I felt the need to move and found myself inadvertently swaying along with the beat. All too soon the song ended and I was much disappointed. I put my book and notes down and restarted the song, getting up to dance. I felt invigorated, I felt alive - it felt wonderful. And now as I have concluded - it is time to begin the "Path of Fire" finally. The paths cannot be rushed or pushed and happen in their own time and of their own accord. However, looking to my immediate past I have been feeling the "pull" of this path. I have been more active lately, staying up more and working more. Being creative and productive across many venues, embracing my creative fire - much in the guise of Brigid. I have been doing much work with my hands, in honor of Athena. And now Dionysos and Kali address me with my desire to move, to dance, to express myself and the freedom of my spirit, mind, and body through movement. I have a spirit around me who when she lived was a devotee of Dionysos - a Maenad. I decided in an effort to understand her and further my own spiritualism that I would devote myself to Him as well (especially since I don't generally work with the God in particular I had no direct preferences). As someone of Hispanic descent dance, I feel, is "in my blood". I hold a deep and abiding love for music, particularly that which I can dance to. I suddenly recall the importance of dance to Dionysos, and then after contemplating His own meanings - of freedom, creativity, sex, expression, divinity I realize all of these are embodied within dance. Now I sit here, listening to the inspirising song for a third time and I recall Kali - whose amulet a Kali Yantra - I currently wear, whose statue ever sits on my altar, and who in the form of a tapestry hangs on my wall. Dance is also sacred to She, who defeated and saved Her fellow gods and humans from the demon Raktabija - and even She exemplifies the wild, chaotic dance - fire, force, and will....Aye it is time, to walk the Path of fire.

A Hole in my Heart

I look out into the world. I hear the bright chirping of the songbirds and see the flutter of sunlight through the trees. It's a beautiful day outside, and yet a pall is cast over me.

For many years I have ached to "fill" myself. I have looked around me and felt only emptiness. I have tried and yet felt dissatisfied even with my meager results. But what else could you expect when you barely make the effort to wake in the morning? When each day seems a lesson in doldrums and disappointment. I have painted my life in shades of gray and wonder where the color is. It's funny really - for what else should one expect? Yet I scream vainly at the injustice, cry out pitifully "Why me?!" When the judge and jury, and even the executioner of my dreams wears my face.

Today is a breakthrough, a beginning of a release of the shackles I've used to hold myself back and it's time to unlock them and toss them away.

I look out the window again, the bright day greets me. The same songbird still chirping happily whatever message he or she has and I smile. Wholeheartedly and with feeling. I have begun, the journey is upon me and now where it will take me I eagerly await!

Fire O Fire, Where Are You?

It has been a long time since I have stopped the Path of Water. I had the full intention of moving smoothly into the Path of Fire...but when working with Chaos and Eris is anything ever really smooth? However, I trust that if things have happened as they have it is for a reason.

The time for activity is Now though. Spring is here and Summer is on Her way. I have been feeling the pull and call to be more active and "do". All things associated with Fire. I have become complacent in my station with things and am falling behind on many things. None of this is "okay" with me and yet I have let it slide by...still trapped in my "pool". The once rushing waters of intuitive inspiration have ceased to flow and now they are the stagnant puddle that is covered with muck. Seeing through such merely blinds the eye and slows one down from the real signs, the inward tugs and gentle urgings of the spirits and powers that be...

And so thusly I break forth, I dry and tenderly strike the matches waiting for the spark...

Reluctance...

It has been some time since I have left the last path, but though it is "over" I had yet to embark on the next spoke in my wheel's journey. Honestly I believe I've been putting it of, but really it wasn't "quite time". Now I believe I can put forward all that I need to and really go and step forward. The Path of Fire beckons to me to come towards its fiery light...

On another note, before I take my first steps towards this path I had decided to draw a card from a new deck, "The Heart of Faerie". The Lady of Faith (reversed) came to me today. I think that it says plainly that I need to have more faith in myself and the way that I am taking. I don't need to worry or second guess the decisions I'm making.

Having little or lacking faith makes the roads seem ever more dangerous, for even in the darkest of times the light of faith burns brightly to show us the way.

The other messages of this card show the need for belief not only in others and greater things but oneself. And perhaps the most important part of belief - openness. While you may not agree or believe as another does you can still be open to the existence of their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. It denotes a mutual understanding and respect and is a trait that should be better cultivated. The fact that this card is reversed means to me that the energy is blocked, there is an even more dire need for it here because to see it upright says that it is present or needs to be present, for it to be reversed it is missing and needed.

To me this means altogether that before I can go any further with anything I must believe in myself, others, and all that is around me both great and small. Things will turn out as they will.

The End of the Path of Water...

Time has gone by and a lot of learning has occurred. My psychism has developed to a degree more. I've had some past life memories, more communications from the spirits around me and I feel more connected. I felt the pull for the time to change last night, and even did some transitioning in what I was wearing that symbolized the need to move on to the next path.

Reflecting over what I've learned it's been a wonderful and insightful journey and I expect to learn more even after leaving this path in regards to it. All of the paths are interactive and affect one another.

This path has meant inspiration as well as intuition for me, connection to the Divine Feminine and our inner psychic nature. It relates to all of the symbols that can be associated with the female and goddess energy, as well as the heart chakra, love (of the Self, family, friends, and all others). It connects to the element of Water and the color Green (but also any of the colors of love - red, white, and pink). The symbol in my personal Chaos Star is the bow and arrow of cupid, tipped in gold, white white dove feathers.

Psychic "Episode" - Another Past Life Bleed Through

It hurts, so badly, so much...the screams the torment. I'm so sorry, and I understand all too well why you've forgotten, why you have no desire to remember.

The torment, the scars, they are too deep - but you buried them, left them way and ignored. But you can't hide anymore. You can't look away, even though it burns your eyes. Hush little child, daughter of mine. Be still, breathe deep, slow, even. Let the darkness come and relax, the light will come. The storm will be over soon...just sleep...just rest...

***

I see her huddled up on the floor, knees drawn up hands covering her head. I hear an anguished scream, it's like the wail of a soul crying out from utter torture...it echoes.

She is so sad and it hurts so much...

***

This is the second time I can "peg" a 'Past Life Bleed Through' happening. The first time was strong, and intense but much less specific. I could feel the "pull" but couldn't identify it more strongly. I ended up getting a reading for confirmation and the information given confirmed what I thought it was referring to.

I have had Blue Obsidian on my Third Eye and it seems to have helped with the processing of the information a bit better. It was feeling like my Third Eye Chakra was clamped shut and that something was trying to pry it open with a crowbar - very disconcerting feeling! Lately I have been getting a lot of clairsentience in regards to my Third Eye, feeling buzzing or pressure and then feeling the need to do some intuitive work or having received some sort of message.

Interesting Dream

I dreamt I was giving a sweat lodge. It wasn't precisely the kind of lodge that I had attended before, but I think more to the point it was the message of something that I would/could be doing in the future.

It was strange, I know there was one woman who was very infirm there. It was more like a one-to-one sort of thing. But while it wasn't set up exactly like we did, it gave me the same "feel" if that makes any sense. There was a structure we went into and it was dark in there, but when we came out it was light.

The woman I helped seemed to have had trouble walking before and was improving afterwards, little by little.

The dream has triggered some very psychic energy though, I can really feel my third eye...which happened to me a few days ago with something else.

I have the interest, but I see the dream as something into the future by quite a bit. BUT, I don't have dreams like that, so for me to do so is very interesting.

Regardless of the meaning of the actual dream, whether it was literal or figurative I take it as a good omen.

Another Remembrance...

I lie there with my lover, much like in another time, awake and restless. My third eye feels heavy and leaden as it sinks back to another time entirely.

Roughly dragged away I am told, "He's not for you..."

The words echo in my mind and I try to fight them, but now they are just words, just a faded memory of a time long ago. The feeling passes as I come back to the present and I feel more in my body, more in my time.

These episodes make me wonder what I was like, what time I lived in, how it all played out. All too soon I'm sure, I'll remember...

The Snow, Goddess, & Reflections...

The winter and cold is often a time of reflection for people. We, like our animal brethren, often like to stay inside and only those who like to play in the snow, or must venture out, do. I myself prefer the cozy warmth of my own abode and dislike the snow. Jokingly lately I have made the comments that perhaps I should make an offering to Skadi or the Cailleach Bheur and maybe the snow will stop. Then again, maybe They will be pleased by the offering and stick around, much to my chagrin.

But on an entirely serious note, I don't believe in the grand scheme of things that as a Witch i need to seriously try and mess with the weather. I say this because I believe in "cause & effect". I also believe in chaos mind you and Murphy's Law. To the subject at hand, it is my belief that all of these marvelously strange and disconcerting weather patterns and events are a response from Gaia, Rhea, Mother Nature as I so fondly refer to Her. We as humans are very concerned with our superiority over the world we live in, even when it's abilities are far vaster than our own. Sure we can go to outer space and we can cure once uncurable diseases. But what is the cost for our haughtiness, that arrogant pride that we so instill within ourselves and our offspring? Now we have things we cannot explain, or wherein their explanation we realize some grave mistakes of our past, and present.

We now have more complicated and resilient diseases. And while it can be argued that some of these diseases were there all along, and merely misdiagnosed because we didn't have the tools and capability to see them for what they were, that's a moot point to me. We live in a world of our own making and Mother Nature is taking a stand. She is correctly, forcibly, the things we have incurred upon Her wrongly.

To me, disease, natural disasters, and other such fatal catastrophes are the ultimate population control - resulting in death. As a healer I seem to seek to preserve life, but I do not force it where it should not be. I do not go to great depths to undo the damage we have done to ourselves. I seek to bring awareness to our bodies so that we may live our lives well. And not continue to make the mistakes of our pasts. With every "mistake" or "negative action" there is a lesson to be learned. So it does not seem right to me to just fix it, when really one should be learning from it. Inevitably in truly doing so you will right it. Sometimes things happen merely for us to learn from them.

I believe in balance, and at this day and age, in order to achieve this balance some things must be cut away. It reminds me of The Tower from the Tarot. To me this card so often is not necessarily pleasant, but altogether necessary. It tells us that we are holding onto something and trying to inhibit a necessary change. Often times the more we hold onto things the more it hurts to let go, but we do not see it as that. To us it is unfair, it is wrong, it hurts and yet there is a reason for the ending of any cycle. You cannot invite new growth or changes or lessons without periodically sweeping away the old. So let go, let live, let die.

I'm not telling you not to fight, but consider what you're really doing. So often we, as humans, have mistakenly pursued a cause that "at the time" we thought was right, only to realize gravely too late that it was perhaps not the best course of action. How many species have we lost? How much land has been corrupted? What horrible diseases and other catastrophes have we invited upon ourselves due to our own self-serving arrogance?

Food for thought...

Remembrance...

I had one yesterday, and today while sitting here eating breakfast (which I had performed a small Reiki blessing over) I felt another "pull" of psychic memory, calling to me...

A song came on and a flash of memory came to me...

...I get the feeling of the country side

I can't tell whether it's mainland Europe or not

But there is this beautiful summer day

There is a sea of golden wheat or some other grain, it's flowing in the wind

I also get the feeling that I am sitting there spinning something...working outside possibly, or near a window where I can see...

***

Another song comes on and I see "myself" skipping through the grasses, I'm laughing and smiling. Playing with a small boy, swinging him around and he laughs and smile joyously. There is love here, and peace, happiness.

A Small Culmination on the Path of Water

Imagine if you will - your Third Eye, just where it would anatomically be, between your eyebrows and up a bit. It is squeezed shut however, and it's like something is taking a crowbar to it, prying it open. It hurts, o buddy does it hurt, but it hurts because you're holding on. You're gripping the fear of seeing and what you need to do is to let go and let love.

That's what's going on right now. I had a session with a client earlier today. It was rather impromptu but I think it went well. During the session I had the pleasure of actually sensating her aura - which though I may be an energy healer my clairsentience isn't my strong suit. But now I have the confidence (having decided to actively work with it).

After my session I was in such a good and jolly mood that I visited the Witch store. Having been there for a time, I nabbed a cup of tea and decided on 2 books by Ted Andrews I have been meaning to pick up Sacred Sounds and The Healer's Manual. I was about to leave when I had the memory of some fascinations that have been going on for the last few months. Growing ever stronger. I decided I would attempt to get some impressions from a reader about them if she was able. What I got was confirmation. It was that gentle nod from the Universe telling me that no I wasn't imagining it and there was more beneath the surface.

I had said just yesterday that I should investigate some past life of my "sister". Knowing more now than I did the first time the idea cropped into my head, and then here again I was getting the message that this is the thing to do for me right now. It was wonderful and awing, to receive such information. (An aside: I received images of a young girl, being given over by her family - struggling to be taken and crying along the way. "You weren't like the others, and I feel sorry for you(r situation)." a voice says. The hunt was on, and they both apart were part of it.)

Funny how this happens as I walk to path of love, family, forgiveness, and intuition....but really I know it's no coincidence. It is the synchronization of events together, just as it should be at a time when I am most receptive.

Psychic Awareness & the Path of Water...

They say things come in groups, specifically threes and as I sit here typing I feel all of these messages coming to me.

Two days ago (1st of February) I was really ill, sneezing my head off. I treated myself with Fluorite, was sick for that day, peaked the next day, and then today got better (as of today I am completely better.) The day I got really ill, that afternoon I had a psychic slap in the face and it occurred to me why I suddenly was getting ill - I needed to slow down psychically. Since the week before I'd been up all hours of the day, constantly working on things and I'd refused to give my body & mind a break...so the Universe was doing it for me and forcing me to slow down. All this psychic awareness came at me and you can see the result in my LiveJournal.

Saturday (the 29th of January) was the Full Moon in Leo, a great time for creativity and to harness those energies. Right around that time (either on the day or just before) my necklace that I *always* wear fell off. Mind you I *never* take this off, and if I do it's only for a moment to cleanse it and then back on it goes. Essentially it's for protection, and it involves one or more of my religious charms at a time on the necklace.

Finally we have the energies of cleansing as associated with Imbolgc. That day is concerned with the preparation for growth (Ostara). And there I was with my head all stuffy (eg in dire need of cleansing!!!!)

So here we have me without my protection, riding the energies of the Full Moon in a sign that is polar my own Moon sign. I've developed an illness out of necessity to force me to do the necessary work on a major Sabbat, and voila my realization of this and acting on it has brought me to be better.

Then there is tonight...

I had the first of a 2-part psychic development class. We spoke on the use of the pendulum, did some exercises in sensing energy, feeling and seeing the aura. Discussed a bit about shielding and clearing space before doing work and set it up that we were to try some telepathy exercises in preparation to the next class.

On the way to class I hear the names Rosalie (Rosalee) and Watkins. Earlier in the evening I heard a little Spanish woman (an older woman) praying.

At the end of class, after having reflected on what a Murphy's Law filled day I've had I realize I still wasn't wearing my protection necklace....suddenly today makes more sense why I felt off and drained and just like everything was going awry!

Finally, I reflect on what this all means in my path walking. I'm walking the Path of Water - which is also associated with intuition...I feel as though I am really psychically opening up lately. Having had several dreams and message related to me as of late.

Claiming the Siren

Recently I did some research concerning the Sirens of Greek myth. In doing so I was looking for name references mostly. I came across the name "Ligeia" and have decided to adopt it.

I figure myself as a Siren partially because of one of my professions. I have for many years worked as an exotic dancer. I love to dance and enjoy the exercise. I feel I've perfected my art to some degree in my years of maintaining this profession. Most often it is remarked upon my style of dancing and my eyes. I am a rather spirited sort and when I dance I really put myself into it.

As for my eyes they have a drawing and captivating effect, so I've been told. I have "big brown eyes" and I use them to my advantage as much as possible.

And so I came to the conclusion that much as I am, I am like a modern day Siren...luring men's wallets to their deaths, and all too good to be true - for all my sweetness I am not precisely what you make take me for - at your peril...

Reflections on Water....

There is a sort of preternatural glow outside, the snow thick in a blanket across the earth makes the night not quite so dark.

Today the Moon is Full and in the sign of Leo. An interesting combination of Water & Fire. I am reading through my path book and the pictures/notes that I've made in the entry dedicated to the Path of Water / Love. I listen to Sleepthief's "Tenuous"...

My pages feature scenes of water, of a Greek maiden with a lyre and a black bird, pouring a bowl of water. Words: "The Circle Unbroken", "Choosing Joy", and "to change". "My laugh lines echo the years of happiness my heart has enjoyed", "to Dare...", "love". The quote "Everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." by Leo Tolstoy. "I can see into a person's heart by looking into her eyes" (I have to say I fully agree with that because the eyes are the window into the soul and while we may mask our faces in stoicism, our eyes will ever betray our emotions.) "What comes around.goes around.comes around. hello again."

To me this path is about love and family, joy, and happiness. It's about love of all things, unconditionally. Perhaps that is part of why I am feeling called to work with this one first. Unconditional love is a concept that I, even as a healer with a desire to help all, struggle with. There are still those that I have no desire or wish to be around, but on the other hand I would not deny someone who came to me honestly in need of help. It's a strange sort of thing it seems.

Another strange thing about this path - I am a water sign, astrologically speaking, but I don't feel as though I am. I have no real connection to the physical element of water. I can't swim and don't like the beach. I am so-so with rain - I prefer a warm rain (but I also just don't like to be cold). I find myself to be very intuitive and relatively psychic, though I think I could be more in tune with it. Perhaps that is why I feel the disconnection with water, there is one. I recently took an astrology class and it was posed to me that often the elements we have enough of we shun or shy away from. So perhaps in having such a strong water connection that is why I yearn for the other elements so.

Water has the ability to nurture, as the rains that feed the Earth and our own bodies, or cleanse in the showers we take and that fall to Earth to wash away debris. Water also may come as a torrential downpour, flooding and destroying. Drenching us.

Various water totems come to mind: Crocodile, Hippopotamus, Dolphin, Shark, Squid, Octopus, any and all sea creatures and some amphibious ones such as Frog and Salamander and Newt. Reading through some information concerning the Crocodile from my path book there is mentioning of primordial wisdom and knowledge and the proper use of such knowledge. I know I have a tendency towards extremes and that I will often swing wildly in one direction (either being spiritual or mundane).

Water God/desses: Yemaya, Oshun, the Naiads, Nereids, Oceanids. Poseidon, Amphitrite, and His many sons. Tiamat is also related to the primordial waters. Then there are the many River Gods of Greek Myth, Sirens, and the Kappa of the Japanese. I find for the most part no real draw towards the water deities/spirits except for Yemaya, the Sirens, and various nymphs in general.

Beginning the Path of Water

As they say, there's no time like the present. And now I believe it's finally time - I can feel the energies aligning themselves and I hear that old familiar call. I feel my psychism really opening up - which is great because it's something I've been wanting to work with and yet kept finding myself not doing so and being irritated by my lack of progress.

The Full Moon is Saturday and will be in Leo - but more than that is the fact that the Moon will have risen to Her fullness and Her energies will be high. Coupled with Leo they will be creative and inspire and full of firing.

In the last 2 months I've taken some classes that have led me to some exposure of psychic peoples, those interested in it, and the use of my talents and energies (particularly in the Tarot and astrology). Water, the feminine, the Moon, and intuition are all inextricably linked in most mythologies. There is also a link between dreams and these things - for dreams can be windows into the other world, the un & subconscious and answers and clarity may be sought there. I woke this morning with this message from a dream:

our dreams are connected to us as a tail (at the back of our bodies at the sacral chakra) to show where we've been. further up we have what we've pulled up from them, our desires manifesting (around the midsection/lower ribs sometimes that part isn't there yet because we haven't acted yet - but our dreams are also a connection to the Other world

All in all, it's time, I'm ready. I feel a lot of things in flux and changing and soon there will be a quick movement of energies and things pick up speed...that is okay and now is the time to just be like water and "go with the flow".