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the Spider's Hand

Confessions & Concerns

Although it is well meaning that is not to say that it will come as it ought to...but now I sit here pondering, alone while my significant other is downstairs sulking away - myself doing the same thing up here. It has been a long week for us both, but I find that he seems to forget that things could be hard for other people outside of himself. Becoming exasperated when I pick up on his own feelings and react to them, forcing him to face them rather than pretend they're not there.

And so it is again an uphill struggle it seems and honestly it is very tiring. I wish nothing but the best for him - but I see him constantly struggling, making the same mistakes out of habit and merely miring himself more deeply into whatever doldrums or just trying to mask them behind a facade of, "I'm okay." But clear as crystal he is transparent and only seems to get more aggravated when that is pointed out to him.

I have long since tired of the way my own bad and negative moods have affected me. For like any vicious cycle, they merely feed on themselves, ever-reproducing. So finally I had enough and I have since made an honest effort to Do something about it. And for the most part it is working and I am feeling better and better about my life and attracting just what I want and more. But when I try to urge him to do such things he resists and scoffs and I usually give up defeated.

So while I have no intent to force anything on him, I want more for him ... what to do *le sigh*

Beginnings of May...

I'm not quite sure How it happens, but it seems to happen nonetheless. I had my first Mother's Day this past weekend by the way, which was nice and somewhat unexpected. However of course, much of it was spent fussing at the wee one to "not touch that", "come over here" etc. But it was a day together with my family and that is what matters.

A reflection on my path. I've been rather emotionally charged as of late, but for the first week of May I was not home - hence my lack in journaling. Military duty called me away and I was out of town for a week. Rather miserable and unpleasant. Ah well, it could have been worse.

I find that maintaining a positive attitude seems to be a chore for me. Something I have trouble doing. And while I well know that Not having a good attitude does nothing for me, it's like a vicious little cycle. As is mentioned in "The Secret" when you start off your day badly, everything else seems to just follow suit. I can surely attest to that, and I threaten to feel some of it today. I'm not quite sure, despite this awareness, on how to combat it. I have a tendency to think pessimistically and negatively and those attitudes do lend themselves to attracting more ilk of their like.

Suppose I shall put on some good music or something else heartening...

Adieu and thank you for listening...

Water & the Tao...

By releasing the thoughts of my day I already can see the inner beauty of the message before me. One of my habits while I am walking the Path of Water is that every so many days I will read a chapter in Wayne Dyer's book Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life today I am up to the 8th verse which deals with water...

Two things strike me upon reading this, first I am at the 8th verse, a mystical and powerful number for me along this path especially. Secondly, and even more obviously than the first is the note that the subject of today's verse from the Tao Te Ching is about water.

I stayed up late and awoke cranky, my stomach hurting and my mind milling over the many things I feel I have to get done in the next two days. This stress only contributing to the discomfort I was having to begin with.

However, one thing I am implementing on this path - as well as in my life period is the law of attraction. If you've seen me on Twitter you might well have noted my points about the law and that I "love it" :) But really, as a Witch, it's nothing new to me. The law of attraction is a, and perhaps the, fundamental law of the Universe. It's what sympathetic magick is based upon and that is one of the simplest and most basic forms of magick - simply put like attracts like.

If you've heard of Wayne Dyer, or "The Secret", or any of the other writings by various authors connected with one of the two you've likely heard about the law of attraction. You might have taken it forgranted or thought it nonsense, but that could not be farther from the truth and even now you've likely been affected many ways by the law - plainly - and not even realized it.

Perhaps the greatest example of it at work is this: you know when you're around someone who is down in the dumps and "always" seems to be moaning and bitching and complaining. Eventually, along with getting tired of their rut, you will feel as they do. This is because they, by continuing "negative" expressive habits, reinforce their circumstances and create more of the same. This boils down to us all "getting what we put out there" or creating our lives.

Now there is a large note of responsibility in here, that many folk will baulk at....you mean I who want nothing more than this, or that, and this caused this bad in my life or that bad? Yes. Fear, Doubt, and Worry are the primary culprits that help us continue this pattern (but sadness and anger also run a close second). When we give in to these things and succumb to the patterns that they are part, we invite those patterns into our lives ever more. One way to combat this is to turn your attention away from them and think of all that you have to be grateful for - friends, family, free will, a life, your health, the littlest things and the big things. When we are focusing on one of the "bad" emotions we are blocking out the good ones. You likely know all too well that when you are in a bad mood you really don't want to be cheered up till you're ready, and often you may resent others helping you. This is the ego talking - trying to control and make it's demands for it's own satisfaction rather than for the higher good.

Another pointer is so speak like you have what you want - this continues the gratitude and invites positive feelings into your line of sight. Saying that you have something makes you happy, so step it up a notch and phrase it that way, "I am so happy and grateful (now) that...Thank you!" That sends out positive vibes and those will return to you!

And while to those who are cynical this may sound like a bunch of "optimistic mumbo jumbo" consider this. When was the last time that you were worried, hurt, upset, angry or the like and said, "I am happy that I have this..." or "Thank you" in a genuine manner of the words? It's likely you never have, and rather instead focused all the more on what you didn't have or did not wholeheartedly consider what you Do have. Make the decision to change that now and the wonders will not cease!

Blessings to you on your journeys towards abundance!

Reflection & Nostalgia

It's funny and though this title may lend a more solemn & somber tone, this post isn't meant to be regretful by any means so much as hmmmm things that make you think.

I recently had a dream involving someone I used to know, someone I was friends with in junior high mostly, and associated with in high school. But my attention sticks more back to who I was, or rather who I seemed to be in those days than anything else.

I'm sure anyone who knows me from junior high or high school might be "shocked" by who and what I seem to have become, but when I look back at the people I would even be likely to talk to nowadays it dawns on me that I really don't talk to too much of anyone from "back home". The 'friends' I associated with all lost touch at the end of high school if not before then and save for 2 who I occasionally speak to that's it.

It's funny how I never really noticed it - but somehow not so surprising now that I think of it. I felt cramped when I lived there, and I really couldn't be myself because I "wasn't allowed" and now that I have had my freedom and I can express myself as I please - I find myself in another predicament of enclosure (although that's another story).

But all in all it's just very funny. I'm sure any who knew me would read this and quite possibly be perplexed at this person writing, realizing that they probably didn't know me at all when we were talking and now it is but more evident.

Free Yourself From Negative Thoughts.

I'm sure I will get some enticing followers from this post and I hope that it helps you as much as it helps me, if not more.

Learn to let go. It's not all your fault, some things just happen. And even in the worst storm there is some positive aspect. Be it release of built up energy that would have led to a worse disaster later, or to clear debris through the tumultuous winds. Perhaps it's to motivate you to higher ground. Note that I speak of personal "storms", those bad days, and just plain "bad luck" that seems to harry some people day in and out.

Release your thoughts of duality. Nothing really is good or bad, it just is. Things are only what you make of them, so if you learn to make nothing of them then they are just that. Everything is ultimately transient. And everything comes from the same place to return there. We are all one and connected so there really is no opposite. We in the Western culture have been steeped in these ideas, but they do not create or connect us to happiness. They merely separate us from wholeness.

Stop worrying. You worry because things aren't "going right" or "as planned". You worry that something Will go wrong, or that you didn't make the best choice. But even if you made the best decision and everything will turn out great, your thoughts contrary can stop this in it's tracks. Next time something sticks in your mind - find something else to do or somewhere else to be. Take a step back, literally or figuratively breathe deeply and evenly. And look at the situation from another perspective. You probably have several emotions invested in whatever you're worrying about. So look at it as though you were someone else. If someone came to you with your worries on their mind what would you tell them to do? Likely not continue to worry. Learn to take your own advice.

Find a hobby to help you de-stress and pass time. Something creative like drawing or some other art form. That way you can make a positive thing from something negative. Journal, talk to friends. Use breathwork to calm yourself, breathe in and out evenly then slowly move your inhalation : exhalation to a 1 : 2 ratio. Maintain this for as long as it is comfortable, stopping if your feel lightheaded, dizzy, or off. Lay down in Svanasana (Corpse Pose) and pick a point on the ceiling to stare into. Detach yourself from worry, fear, and anger - as these are unproductive emotions. They (like any other emotion) only feed into themselves and necessitate other "bad" feelings.

After awhile of doing these things, steadily, take time to reflect and view yourself as you are now. How do you differ from how you were? What improvements have you made? How do you feel about yourself now?

Hard work paid off didn't it?